​​White Fragility
​​NOTES / Raw notes on Robin DiAngelo's book by the same name
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​June 3, 2020 
  • ​​Consolidated notes here, added first pass comments, and shared the notes in Rickshaw.
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​Raw notes

  • ​​Nothing in dominant society gives us the information we need to have the complex, nuanced understanding of arguably the most complex, nuanced social dilemma since the beginning of this country.
  • ​​You have to spend years of sustained study to not have an uninformed position on this.
  • ​​We spend our energy communicating that we’re good to go.
  • ​​Actual strategic antiracist action.
  • ​​Niceness will not end racism. Niceness is not courageous. It’s not strategic. And it will not keep it on the table when everyone wants it off the table.
  • ​​Individualism is a precious idea. Protects us against socialization.
  • ​​Nothing exempts us from the forces of racism.
  • ​​Bad definition of racism: An individual who consciously does not like people based on race and is intentionally mean to them.
  • ​​It’s a system, not an event, and nothing exempts us from its forces.

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​Book notes

​​Most of this is direct excerpts from the book that I cut and pasted out as I was reading it. 
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  • ​​Contrary to popular belief, race isn’t a genetic reality. That may seem counterintuitive because of the physical differences between people of different races, such as their skin colors and eye shapes. But these differences do not reliably correlate with underlying genetic variations between people. They’re superficial differences that simply reflect the geographies to which people’s ancestors adapted.
  • ​​Rather than a biological truth, race is a social construct – a set of ideas created within a particular culture that guides people’s thoughts and actions. The social construct of race teaches members of society to see and treat certain groups of people in certain ways, which, in turn, serves particular functions within that society. To understand race is therefore to answer the question, “What function does the construct serve?”
  • ​​To reconcile this contradiction, many eighteenth-century European Americans turned to race science – a form of pseudoscience that claimed African Americans were naturally inferior to certain groups of European Americans, who were naturally superior. From this false premise, they then argued that African Americans deserved fewer rights than European Americans, who, by the same token, deserved certain privileges. Inequality between the two groups was therefore natural and justified, they concluded.
  • ​​Thus, rather than a natural distinction between two pre-existing groups of people, “white” and “black” became shiftable markers of social superiority and inferiority. The resulting inequality between white and black people extended far beyond US legal codes; it was systemic – meaning it seeped into the country’s underlying social, cultural, political and economic realities.
  • ​​Racism must be distinguished from racial prejudice and discrimination.
  • ​​To say that you’re racially prejudiced against another person means that you prejudge them on the basis of the racial group to which he belongs.
  • ​​The logic here goes as follows: “This person belongs to racial group X. People from group X have characteristic Y. Therefore, this person has characteristic Y as well.” This judgment is made before you have any empirical evidence that the person has the characteristic in question. That’s why it’s called a prejudgment, or prejudice.
  • ​​Scholar Marilyn Frye uses the metaphor of a birdcage to describe the interlocking forces of oppression. If you stand close to a birdcage and press your face against the wires, your perception of the bars will disappear and you will have an almost unobstructed view of the bird. If you turn your head to examine one wire of the cage closely, you will not be able to see the other wires. If your understanding of the cage is based on this myopic view, you may not understand why the bird doesn’t just go around the single wire and fly away. You might even assume that the bird liked or chose its place in the cage. But if you stepped back and took a wider view, you would begin to see that the wires come together in an interlocking pattern—a pattern that works to hold the bird firmly in place. It now becomes clear that a network of systematically related barriers surrounds the bird. Taken individually, none of these barriers would be that difficult for the bird to get around, but because they interlock with each other, they thoroughly restrict the bird. While some birds may escape from the cage, most will not. And certainly those that do escape will have to navigate many barriers that birds outside the cage do not. The birdcage metaphor helps us understand why racism can be so hard to see and recognize: we have a limited view.
  • ​​David Wellman succinctly summarizes racism as “a system of advantage based on race.”
  • ​​But let me be clear: stating that racism privileges whites does not mean that individual white people do not struggle or face barriers. It does mean that we do not face the particular barriers of racism.
  • ​​By according whiteness an actual legal status, an aspect of identity was converted into an external object of property, moving whiteness from privileged identity to a vested interest. The law’s construction of whiteness defined and affirmed critical aspects of identity (who is white); of privilege (what benefits accrue to that status); and, of property (what legal entitlements arise from that status). Whiteness at various times signifies and is deployed as identity, status, and property, sometimes singularly, sometimes in tandem.
  • ​​To say that whiteness is a standpoint is to say that a significant aspect of white identity is to see oneself as an individual, outside or innocent of race—“ just human.” This standpoint views white people and their interests as central to, and representative of, humanity. Whites also produce and reinforce the dominant narratives of society—such as individualism and meritocracy—and use these narratives to explain the positions of other racial groups. These narratives allow us to congratulate ourselves on our success within the institutions of society and blame others for their lack of success.
  • ​​White supremacy in this context does not refer to individual white people and their individual intentions or actions but to an overarching political, economic, and social system of domination. Again, racism is a structure, not an event.
  • ​​He notes that although white supremacy has shaped Western political thought for hundreds of years, it is never named. In this way, white supremacy is rendered invisible while other political systems—socialism, capitalism, fascism—are identified and studied.
  • ​​Ta-Nehisi Coates: [W] hite supremacy is not merely the work of hotheaded demagogues, or a matter of false consciousness, but a force so fundamental to America that it is difficult to imagine the country without it.
  • ​​While Karen sees herself as a unique individual, Joan sees Karen as a white individual. Being interrupted and talked over by white people is not a unique experience for Joan; nor is it separate from the larger cultural context. Karen exclaims, “Forget it! I can’t say anything right, so I am going to stop talking!” The preceding episode highlights Karen’s white fragility. She is unable to see herself in racial terms.
  • ​​If we become adults who explicitly oppose racism, as do many, we often organize our identity around a denial of our racially based privileges that reinforce racist disadvantage for others.
  • ​​What is particularly problematic about this contradiction is that white people’s moral objection to racism increases their resistance to acknowledging their complicity with it.
  • ​​The claims blame others with less social power for their discomfort and falsely describe that discomfort as dangerous.
  • ​​When I consult with organizations that want me to help them recruit and retain a more diverse workforce, I am consistently warned that past efforts to address the lack of diversity have resulted in trauma for white employees. This is literally the term used to describe the impact of a brief and isolated workshop: trauma.
  • ​​“If privilege is defined as a legitimization of one’s entitlement to resources, it can also be defined as permission to escape or avoid any challenges to this entitlement.”
  • ​​Let me be clear: while the capacity for white people to sustain challenges to our racial positions is limited—and, in this way, fragile—the effects of our responses are not fragile at all; they are quite powerful because they take advantage of historical and institutional power and control. We wield this power and control in whatever way is most useful in the moment to protect our positions.
  • ​​If we need to cry so that all the resources rush back to us and attention is diverted away from a discussion of our racism, then we will cry (a strategy most commonly employed by white middle-class women). If we need to take umbrage and respond with righteous outrage, then we will take umbrage. If we need to argue, minimize, explain, play devil’s advocate, pout, tune out, or withdraw to stop the challenge, then we will.
  • ​​White fragility functions as a form of bullying; I am going to make it so miserable for you to confront me—no matter how diplomatically you try to do so—that you will simply back off, give up, and never raise the issue again.
  • ​​White fragility keeps people of color in line and “in their place.” In this way, it is a powerful form of white racial control. Social power is not fixed; it is constantly challenged and needs to be maintained. We might think of the triggers of white fragility discussed in chapter 7 as challenges to white power and control, and of white fragility as the means to end the challenge and maintain that power and control.
  • ​​Let me also be clear that the term “white fragility” is intended to describe a very specific white phenomenon. White fragility is much more than mere defensiveness or whining. It may be conceptualized as the sociology of dominance: an outcome of white people’s socialization into white supremacy and a means to protect, maintain, and reproduce white supremacy. The term is not applicable to other groups who may register complaints or otherwise be deemed difficult (e.g., “student fragility”).
  • ​​One of the most common is outrage: “How dare you suggest that I could have said or done something racist!” Although these are unpleasant moments for me, they are also rather amusing.
  • ​​The moment I name some racially problematic dynamic or action happening in the room in the moment—for example, “Sharon, may I give you some feedback? While I understand it wasn’t intentional, your response to Jason’s story invalidates his experience as a black man”—white fragility erupts.
  • ​​Throughout this book, I have attempted to make visible the inevitable racist assumptions held and patterns displayed by white people conditioned by living in a white supremacist culture. When these patterns are named or questioned, we have predictable responses. The responses begin with a set of unexamined assumptions, which, when questioned, trigger various emotions, which activate some expected behaviors. These behaviors are then justified by numerous claims. These responses, emotions, behaviors, and claims are illustrated in the following example of a recent eruption of white fragility.
  • ​​She was furious and said that she had been deeply offended by our exchange and did not “feel seen.” “You made assumptions about me!” she said. I apologized and told her that I would never want her to feel unseen or invalidated. However, I also held to my challenge that growing up in Germany would not preclude her from absorbing problematic racial messages about black people.
  • ​​Let’s start with the common emotional reactions that white people have (and that Eva demonstrated) when our assumptions and behaviors are challenged.
  • ​​FEELINGS: Singled out • Insulted • Attacked • Judged • Silenced • Angry • Shamed • Scared • Guilty • outraged • Accused
  • ​​When we have these feelings, it is common to behave in the following ways, as Eva did:
  • ​​BEHAVIORS: Crying • Denying • Physically leaving • Focusing on intentions • Emotionally withdrawing • Seeking absolution • Arguing • Avoiding
  • ​​Given that these are strong emotions and reactions, they need to be justified. What claims do we make to justify these feelings and behaviors? Some of the following claims suggest that the claimant has been falsely accused. Others suggest that the claimant is beyond the discussion (“ I already know all this”). But all of them exempt the person from further engagement or accountability, as Eva’s claims exempted her.
  • ​​CLAIMS:  I know people of color. • The real oppression is class • I marched in the sixties. [or gender, or anything other • I already know all this. than race]. • You are judging me. • You are elitist. • You don’t know me. • I just said one little innocent • You are generalizing. thing. • That is just your opinion. • Some people find • I disagree. offense where there is none. • You don’t do this the right way. • You misunderstood me. • You’re playing the race card. • I don’t feel safe. • This is not welcoming to me. • The problem is your tone. • You’re being racist against me. • I can’t say anything right. • You are making me feel guilty. • That was not my intention. • You hurt my feelings. • I have suffered too.
  • ​​Yet as with so many aspects of racism, we rarely examine or consider them problematic. So let’s go under the surface and examine the framework of assumptions many of these claims rest on.
  • ​​ASSUMPTIONS: Racism is simply personal prejudice. • I am free of racism. • I will be the judge of whether racism has occurred. • My learning is finished; I know all I need to know. • Racism can only be intentional; my not having intended racism cancels out the impact of my behavior. • My suffering relieves me of racism or racial privilege. • White people who experience another form of oppression cannot experience racial privilege. • If I am a good person, I can’t be racist. • I am entitled to remain comfortable/ have this conversation the way I want to. • How I am perceived by others is the most important issue. • As a white person, I know the best way to challenge racism. • If I am feeling challenged, you are doing this wrong. • It’s unkind to point out racism. • Racism is conscious bias. I have none, so I am not racist. • Racists are bad individuals, so you are saying that I am a bad person. • If you knew me or understood me, you would know I can’t be racist. • I have friends of color, so I can’t be racist. • There is no problem; society is fine the way it is. • Racism is a simple problem. People just need to . . . • My worldview is objective and the only one operating. • If I can’t see it, it isn’t legitimate. • If you have more knowledge on the subject than I do, you think you’re better than me.
  • ​​FUNCTIONS OF WHITE FRAGILITY: Maintain white solidarity • Close off self-reflection • Trivialize the reality of racism • Silence the discussion • Make white people the victims • Hijack the conversation • Protect a limited worldview • Take race off the table • Protect white privilege • Focus on the messenger, not the message • Rally more resources to white people
  • ​​These behaviors and the assumptions undergirding them do not in fact present the claimant as racially open; quite the opposite. They block any entry point for reflection and engagement. Further, they block the ability to repair a racial breach.
  • ​​Bad rules:
  1. ​​Do not give me feedback on my racism under any circumstances.
  1. ​​Proper tone is crucial—feedback must be given calmly. If any emotion is displayed, the feedback is invalid and can be dismissed.
  1. ​​There must be trust between us. You must trust that I am in no way racist before you can give me feedback on my racism.
  1. ​​Our relationship must be issue-free—if there are issues between us, you cannot give me feedback on racism until these unrelated issues are resolved.
  1. ​​Feedback must be given immediately. If you wait too long, the feedback will be discounted because it was not given sooner.
  1. ​​You must give feedback privately, regardless of whether the incident occurred in front of other people. To give feedback in front of any others who were involved in the situation is to commit a serious social transgression. If you cannot protect me from embarrassment, the feedback is invalid, and you are the transgressor.
  1. ​​You must be as indirect as possible. Directness is insensitive and will invalidate the feedback and require repair.
  1. ​​As a white person, I must feel completely safe during any discussion of race. Suggesting that I have racist assumptions or patterns will cause me to feel unsafe, so you will need to rebuild my trust by never giving me feedback again. Point of clarification: when I say “safe,” what I really mean is “comfortable.”
  1. ​​Highlighting my racial privilege invalidates the form of oppression that I experience (e.g., classism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, ableism, transphobia). We will then need to turn our attention to how you oppressed me.
  1. ​​You must acknowledge my intentions (always good) and agree that my good intentions cancel out the impact of my behavior.
  1. ​​To suggest my behavior had a racist impact is to have misunderstood me. You will need to allow me to explain myself until you can acknowledge that it was your misunderstanding.
  1. ​​You must give feedback privately, regardless of whether the incident occurred in front of other people. To give feedback in front of any others who were involved in the situation is to commit a serious social transgression. If you cannot protect me from embarrassment, the feedback is invalid, and you are the transgressor.
  1. ​​You must be as indirect as possible. Directness is insensitive and will invalidate the feedback and require repair. 
  1. ​​As a white person, I must feel completely safe during any discussion of race. Suggesting that I have racist assumptions or patterns will cause me to feel unsafe, so you will need to rebuild my trust by never giving me feedback again. Point of clarification: when I say “safe,” what I really mean is “comfortable.” 
  1. ​​Highlighting my racial privilege invalidates the form of oppression that I experience (e.g., classism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, ableism, transphobia). We will then need to turn our attention to how you oppressed me. 
  1. ​​You must acknowledge my intentions (always good) and agree that my good intentions cancel out the impact of my behavior. 
  1. ​​To suggest my behavior had a racist impact is to have misunderstood me. You will need to allow me to explain myself until you can acknowledge that it was your misunderstanding. The contradictions in these rules are irrelevant; their function is to obscure racism, protect white dominance, and regain white equilibrium. And they do so very effectively. Yet from an understanding of racism as a system of unequal institutional power, we need to ask ourselves where these rules come from and whom they serve.
  • ​​Good rules:
  1. ​​How, where, and when you give me feedback is irrelevant—it is the feedback I want and need. Understanding that it is hard to give, I will take it any way I can get it. From my position of social, cultural, and institutional white power and privilege, I am perfectly safe and I can handle it. If I cannot handle it, it’s on me to build my racial stamina.
  1. ​​Thank you.
  • ​​The above guidelines rest on the understanding that there is no face to save and the game is up; I know that I have blind spots and unconscious investments in racism. My investments are reinforced every day in mainstream society. I did not set this system up, but it does unfairly benefit me, I do use it to my advantage, and I am responsible for interrupting it. I need to work hard to change my role in this system, but I can’t do it alone. This understanding leads me to gratitude when others help me.
  • ​​Have I seen defensiveness, distancing behavior, silence, avoidance of taking risks? Yes. But have I observed people not speaking their truth? No. More importantly, what if your truth is that you are color blind? Because no one can actually be color blind in a racist society, the claim that you are color blind is not a truth; it is a false belief. Yet this guideline can position all beliefs as truths and, as such, equally valid. Given that the goal of antiracist work is to identify and challenge racism and the misinformation that supports it, all perspectives are not equally valid; some are rooted in racist ideology and need to be uncovered and challenged. We must distinguish between sharing your beliefs so that we can identify how they may be upholding racism and stating your beliefs as “truths” that cannot be challenged.
  • ​​Respect: The problem with this guideline is that respect is rarely defined, and what feels respectful to white people can be exactly what does not create a respectful environment for people of color. For example, white people often define as respectful an environment with no conflict, no expression of strong emotion, no challenging of racist patterns, and a focus on intentions over impact. But such an atmosphere is exactly what creates an inauthentic, white-norm-centered, and thus hostile environment for people of color.
  • ​​These guidelines are primarily driven by white fragility, and they are accommodations made to coddle white fragility.
  • ​​The very conditions that most white people insist on to remain comfortable are those that support the racial status quo (white centrality, dominance, and professed innocence). For people of color, the racial status quo is hostile and needs to be interrupted, not reinforced. The essential message of trust is be nice. And according to dominant white norms, the suggestion that someone is racist is not “nice.”
  • ​​But what if someone does literally point a finger and boldly say, “You are racist!”? (This accusation is a deep fear of progressive whites.) It is still on me to identify my racist patterns and work to change them. If the point being made is aimed at that goal, then regardless of how carefully or indirectly it is being made, I need to focus on the overall point. The method of delivery cannot be used to delegitimize what is being illuminated or as an excuse for disengagement.
  • ​​To let go of the messenger and focus on the message is an advanced skill and is especially difficult to practice if someone comes at us with a self-righteous tone. If kindness gets us there faster, I am all for it. But I do not require anything from someone giving me feedback before I can engage with that feedback.
  • ​​So much energy, in fact, that we could no longer help each other see our problematic patterns without breaking the norms of the group. So unless that kindness is combined with clarity and the courage to name and challenge racism, this approach protects white fragility and needs to be challenged.
  • ​​I repeat: stopping our racist patterns must be more important than working to convince others that we don’t have them. We do have them, and people of color already know we have them; our efforts to prove otherwise are not convincing. An honest accounting of these patterns is no small task given the power of white fragility and white solidarity, but it is necessary.
  • ​​However, from a transformed paradigm, when we are given feedback on our inevitable but unaware racist patterns, we might have very different feelings:
  • ​​Gratitude • Motivation • Excitement • Humility • Discomfort • Compassion • Guilt • Interest
  • ​​When we have these feelings, we might engage in the following behaviors:
  • ​​Reflection • Seeking more understanding • Apology • Grappling • Listening • Engaging • Processing • Believing
  • ​​What claims might we make when we have these feelings and engage in these behaviors? Notice that none of the following claims characterize us as falsely accused or as beyond the discussion; these claims suggest openness and humility.
  • ​​I appreciate this feedback. • This is very helpful. • It’s my responsibility to resist defensiveness and complacency. • This is hard, but also stimulating and important. • Oops! • It is inevitable that I have this pattern. I want to change it. • It’s personal but not strictly personal. • I will focus on the message and not the messenger. • I need to build my capacity to endure discomfort and bear witness to the pain of racism. • I have some work to do.
  • ​​These feelings, behaviors, and claims will probably be less familiar to readers, as they are all too rare. But when our fundamental understanding of racism is transformed, so are our assumptions and resultant behaviors. Imagine the difference in our environment, interactions, norms, and policies if the following list described our assumptions:
  • ​​New assumptions
  • ​​Being good or bad is not relevant.
  • ​​Racism is a multilayered system embedded in our culture.
  • ​​All of us are socialized into the system of racism.
  • ​​Racism cannot be avoided.
  • ​​Whites have blind spots on racism, and I have blind spots on racism.
  • ​​Racism is complex, and I don’t have to understand every nuance of the feedback to validate that feedback.
  • ​​Whites are / I am unconsciously invested in racism.
  • ​​Bias is implicit and unconscious; I don’t expect to be aware of mine without a lot of ongoing effort.
  • ​​Giving us white people feedback on our racism is risky for people of color, so we can consider the feedback a sign of trust.
  • ​​Feedback on white racism is difficult to give; how I am given the feedback is not as relevant as the feedback itself.
  • ​​Authentic antiracism is rarely comfortable. Discomfort is key to my growth and thus desirable.
  • ​​White comfort maintains the racial status quo, so discomfort is necessary and important.
  • ​​I must not confuse comfort with safety; as a white person, I am safe in discussions of racism.
  • ​​The antidote to guilt is action.
  • ​​It takes courage to break with white solidarity; how can I support those who do?
  • ​​I bring my group’s history with me; history matters.
  • ​​Given my socialization, it is much more likely that I am the one who doesn’t understand the issue.
  • ​​Nothing exempts me from the forces of racism.
  • ​​My analysis must be intersectional (a recognition that my other social identities—class, gender, ability—inform how I was socialized into the racial system).
  • ​​Racism hurts (even kills) people of color 24-7. Interrupting it is more important than my feelings, ego, or self-image. These assumptions might interrupt racism in various ways, such as the following:
  • ​​Minimize our defensiveness.
  • ​​Demonstrate our vulnerability.
  • ​​Demonstrate our curiosity and humility.
  • ​​Allow for growth.
  • ​​Stretch our worldview.
  • ​​Ensure action.
  • ​​Demonstrate that we practice what we profess to value.
  • ​​Build authentic relationships and trust.
  • ​​Interrupt privilege-protecting comfort.
  • ​​Interrupt internalized superiority.
  • ​​When white people ask me what to do about racism and white fragility, the first thing I ask is, “What has enabled you to be a full, educated, professional adult and not know what to do about racism?” It is a sincere question.
  • ​​For example, if my answer is that I was not educated about racism, I know that I will have to get educated. 
  • ​​If my answer is that I don’t know people of color, I will need to build relationships. 
  • ​​If it is because there are no people of color in my environment, I will need to get out of my comfort zone and change my environment; addressing racism is not without effort.
  • ​​Next, I say, “Do whatever it takes for you to internalize the above assumptions.” I believe that if we white people were truly coming from these assumptions, not only would our interpersonal relationships change, but so would our institutions. Our institutions would change because we would see to it that they did. But we simply cannot end racism from the current paradigm.
  • ​​The final advice I offer is this: “Take the initiative and find out on your own.” To break with the conditioning of whiteness—the conditioning that makes us apathetic about racism and prevents us from developing the skills we need to interrupt it—white people need to find out for themselves what they can do. There is so much excellent advice out there today—written by both people of color and white people. Search it out. Break with the apathy of whiteness, and demonstrate that you care enough to put in the effort.
  • ​​Bottom line: you would care enough to get informed. So consider racism a matter of life and death (as it is for people of color), and do your homework.
  • ​​When receiving feedback:
  • ​​First, once I was aware that I had behaved problematically, I took the time to process my reaction with another white person. It was not Angela’s duty to take care of my feelings or feel pressure to reassure me. I was also careful to choose someone who I knew would hold me accountable, not someone who would insist that Angela was too sensitive. After I vented my feelings (embarrassment, guilt, shame, and regret), we did our best to identify how I had reinforced racism. I was then ready to return to Angela. I was clear and open about why I wanted to meet with her, and asked her if she would be willing to meet. I was prepared for her to say no; if I could not accept no for an answer, then I would not have been ready to make an authentic apology.
  • ​​When Angela and I met, I owned my racism. I did not focus on my intentions but focused on the impact of my behavior and apologized for that impact. Nor did I use passive framing such as “If you were offended.” (Apologies that start this way are subtle efforts to put the onus on the recipients of our racism. Indirectly, we are saying that the breach was not inherently offensive—many would not find it offensive at all—but if you were offended because of your extreme sensitivity, then we are sorry.) I simply admitted that my behavior was offensive. Recognizing that I, as a white person, as well as my white friend who had helped me process my feelings, would most likely not understand all the dynamics, I asked Angela what I had missed. She was willing to enlighten me further, and I accepted this additional feedback and apologized. I made a commitment to do better, and I closed by asking her if there was anything else that needed to be said or heard so that we might move forward. We then did move forward. Today, we have more trust—not less—in our relationship than we did before this incident. While I regret that it came at a cost to Angela, it wasn’t the end of the world. Many people of color have assured me that they will not give up on me despite my racist patterns; they expect that I will have racist behavior given the society that socialized me. What they are looking for is not perfection but the ability to talk about what happened, the ability to repair. Unfortunately, it is rare for white people to own and repair our inevitable patterns of racism. Thus, relationships with white people tend to be less authentic for people of color.
  • ​​Because I will never be completely free of racism or finished with my learning, what are some things I can do or remember when my white fragility surfaces? There are several constructive responses we can have in the moment:
  • ​​Breathe. • Listen. • Reflect. • Return to the list of underlying assumptions in this chapter. • Seek out someone with a stronger analysis if you feel confused. • Take the time you need to process your feelings, but do return to the situation and the persons involved.
  • ​​We can interrupt our white fragility and build our capacity to sustain cross-racial honesty by being willing to tolerate the discomfort associated with an honest appraisal and discussion of our internalized superiority and racial privilege. 
  • ​​We can challenge our own racial reality by acknowledging ourselves as racial beings with a particular and limited perspective on race. 
  • ​​We can attempt to understand the racial realities of people of color through authentic interaction rather than through the media or through unequal relationships. 
  • ​​We can take action to address our own racism, the racism of other whites, and the racism embedded in our institutions. 
  • ​​All these efforts will require that we continually challenge our own socialization and investments in racism and the misinformation we have learned about people of color. 
  • ​​We can educate ourselves about the history of race relations in our country. 
  • ​​We can follow the leadership on antiracism from people of color and work to build authentic cross-racial relationships. 
  • ​​We can get involved in organizations working for racial justice. 
  • ​​And most important, we must break the silence about race and racism with other white people.
  • ​​I am sometimes asked whether my work reinforces and takes advantage of white guilt. But I don’t see my efforts to uncover how race shapes my life as a matter of guilt. I know that because I was socialized as white in a racism-based society, I have a racist worldview, deep racial bias, racist patterns, and investments in the racist system that has elevated me. Still, I don’t feel guilty about racism. I didn’t chose this socialization, and it could not be avoided. But I am responsible for my role in it.
  • ​​There are many approaches to antiracist work; one of them is to try to develop a positive white identity. Those who promote this approach often suggest we develop this positive identity by reclaiming the cultural heritage that was lost during assimilation into whiteness for European ethnics. However, a positive white identity is an impossible goal. White identity is inherently racist; white people do not exist outside the system of white supremacy.
  • ​​Rather, I strive to be “less white.” 
  • ​​To be less white is to be less racially oppressive. This requires me to be more racially aware, to be better educated about racism, and to continually challenge racial certitude and arrogance. 
  • ​​To be less white is to be open to, interested in, and compassionate toward the racial realities of people of color.
  • ​​To be less white is to break with white silence and white solidarity, to stop privileging the comfort of white people over the pain of racism for people of color, to move past guilt and into action. 
  • ​​These less oppressive patterns are active, not passive. Ultimately, I strive for a less white identity for my own liberation and sense of justice, not to save people of color.
  • ​​When I give a talk or workshop, the number one question I get from white participants is, “How do I tell so-and-so about their racism without triggering white fragility?” My first response to this question is, “How would I tell you about your racism without triggering your white fragility?” With this response, I am trying to point out the unspoken assumption that the person asking the question is not part of the problem.
  • ​​In other words, the question distances the participant from racism; it assumes that the questioner doesn’t need feedback or doesn’t struggle with his or her own white fragility. The person’s question is not one of humility or self-reflection.
  • ​​First, I try to affirm a person’s perspective before I share mine, and when I do share mine, I try to point the finger inward, not outward.
  • ​​For example, I might say, “I can understand why you feel that way. I have felt that way myself. However, because of my opportunity to work with people of color and hear their perspectives, I have come to understand . . . ” I then share what I have come to understand with the emphasis on how this understanding relates to me. While this strategy is not guaranteed to lower defensiveness, it’s difficult to argue with someone who has framed a response as her or his own personal insight.
  • ​​I might say, “Can I talk to you about something? I have been feeling uncomfortable about our interaction the other day but it has taken me a while to get clarity on why. I have a better sense now. Can we return to our conversation?” I then do my best to share my thoughts and feelings as calmly and concisely as possible. Ultimately, I let go of changing the other person. If someone gains insight from what I share, that is wonderful. But the objective that guides me is my own need to break with white solidarity, even when it’s uncomfortable, which it almost always is. In the end, my actions are driven by my own need for integrity, not a need to correct or change someone else.
  • ​​Whenever you—as a person of color—do not want to bear the burden of pointing out a white person’s racism but do not want to let it go, you might ask a white person whom you trust to deal with it. While addressing white racism is rarely easy, white people can certainly bear the brunt of a hostile response less painfully than people of color can.
  • ​​Niceness will not get racism on the table and will not keep it on the table when everyone wants it off. In fact, bringing racism to white people’s attention is often seen as not nice, and being perceived as not nice triggers white fragility.
  • ​​So in answer to the question “Where do we go from here?,” I offer that we must never consider ourselves finished with our learning.
  • ​​It is a messy, lifelong process, but one that is necessary to align my professed values with my real actions. It is also deeply compelling and transformative.
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